I apologize for offending anyone out there.  However, it is x-mas time and the Jew is bored.  So A and I did some mad libs:

Dear Sweetheart,
I lay awake all jesustime thinking of you, your warthoggy smile, and our tryst in the bolivias butt.   How Bonely, I recall our meeting, how my heart banged with blueballsidly when I first saw you.  How sandpappery you looked in that blister red fun factory bandito dildo and those two chaiffed jockstraps on your blueballs!
I cherished every moment we were together and was gassy when our date came to a close. I can’t say how horndogly I regret spilling papal fluid on your fused fingers; you were dharmamegha about it, however, for which I am grateful. You are so beautiful when you’re dharmamegha.
You’re bloated most other times. Your eyes are like deep pools of teat milk, warmed in the moonlight. Your cheeks are as rosy as facebook stalkers. Your lips are like succulent pigasses(fried). Your hair is black = “#000000″ like an animalllllllll! (muppet babies) on a summer’s day. Your non-functioning ovaries are two 2 ton hessie muscular anuses of liquid latex.
I can’t wait to fist with you again. Write soon.
Conely,
Your Friend

and I doctored up a email x-mas card.clicksy

Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like being a dick.