I guess it was too crowded.  The room thinned out with a quickness.  I never deal with selfish shelving of people, especially after a decent exchange of vulnerabilities.  I won’t count out loud how many I’ve lost in the last few seasons or why.  I will say that there is a recognition of a ‘before version of myself’ (pre-Micah’s suicide) and an ‘after version of myself.’  So, when Brad Stand asks “How am I not myself today?”, I have a fairly good idea.  Unfortunately, like many people contemporarily measure their worth in what remains in their direct proximity.  Often, and more often in my case, it is measured in people.  I don’t know if this is right or if this is wrong, but based on my observations in the world around is that things are not constant, linear, immutable.  I’m more comfortable of my transient being.  There is less opposition to the application of this in all areas.  I’m not laying my head back for some predator to take an easy kill.  I just feel confident that the disappearance of particular peoples has nothing to do with the measurement of my worth.  I am sure that the weathered rails welcome my seat on that very familiar path from the chin of Lake Michigan to the seedy underbelly of Indiana.  With that being said, I am still a romantic creature that must accept that the falling into another animated thing is a rare thing for me to do.  The guards are traditionally up.  When I let it go, I too often give it all away.  I’m tired of feeling horrible about that.  I’m tired of watching it make ‘you’ disappear because the imaginary obligation is too much for you to handle.  I am lucky for the people and other animated things that wish to see more than that and stick around.  I have so many good faces that have watched some crazy baby narratives and some silly static eras.  I am lucky.  I am extraordinarily lucky.

Where are there no seasons?

I’ve been working on narrative.  I’m having a hard time.  It isn’t the typical story formula that is giving me trouble, but the braiding of myth, history, and (zeitgeisted)  personal narrative.  There is so much to choose from and I feel a bit overwhelmed.  I feel like Owen in Throw Momma From the Train.  If you are unfamiliar with the scene, here is a rough synopsis: Larry (Billy Crystal) and Owen (Danny DeVito) aren’t really friends. Owen wants Larry to kill his mother. The fillm parallels Hitchcocks Strangers on a Train and eventually Larry visits Owens house where he meets his mother and where Owen shows Larry his prized coin collection:

OWEN: You want to see my coin collection?

LARRY: No!

O: But it’s my collection

L: I don’t care. Look, Owen: I’m just not in the mood. OK?

O: (Removing a box from under the floor boards, lying on his belly like a small child at play, and beginning to extract the coins from their envelopes) I never showed it to anyone before.

L: (impatiently) All right. I’ll look at it.

O: No, it’s OK.

L: Show me your collection.

O: No, you don’t mean it.

L: (with exasperation) Show me the damned coins!

O: (Happily) All right. This is a nickel. And this one, also is a nickel. And here’s a quarter. And another quarter. And a penny. See? Nickel, nickel, quarter, quarter, penny… And here is another nickel.

L: (Bewildered) Why do you have them?

O: What do you mean?

L: Well the purpose of a coin collection is that the coins are worth something, Owen.

O: Oh, but they are. This one here, I got in change when my dad took me to see Peter, Paul, and Mary. And this one I got in change when I bought a hot dog at the circus. My Daddy used to let me keep the change. Uh, this one is my favorite. This is Martin and Lewis at the Hollywood Palladium. Look at that. See the way it shines, that little eagle? I loved my Dad a lot.

L: (Realizing) So this whole collection is, uh…?

O: Change my Daddy let me keep.

L: (tenderly) What was his name?

O: Ned. He used to call me his “Little Ned.” That’s why Momma named me “Owen.” I really miss him.

L: That’s a real nice collection, Owen.

O: Thank you, Larry.

This is currently where my expression is; production of convincing heirlooms with inherent narrative and ‘worth.’ I admittedly will braid information from another’s documentation or narrative with personal, narrative, or a zeitgeisted narrative. When the full braid is ready to manifest physically, I impart as much genuine palpability as possible. My end goal is irrelevant, but I’d hope that the authentic ‘thing’ that I extend will hold internal and external (referable) value and be the origin of a multitude of narratives. Lastly, and I hope this doesn’t come across too much as an immortal extension of my self to outlive the narrative of my existence, but I am trying to impart a investigation outside of my small frame of being. I want the story to extend beyond my lifespan; before, during and after.  I am rooting for myth trumping history. I am planning ambiguity in the already ambiguousness of the “thing.” As Bill Brown notes in his essay, Thing Theory (p. 4),

“As they circulate through our, we look through objects (to see what they disclose about history, society, nature, or culture—above all, what they disclose about us, but we can only catch a glimpse of things. We look through objects because there are codes by which our interpretive attention makes them meaningful, because there is a discourse of objectivity that allows us to use them as facts. A thing, in contrast, can hardly function as a window. We begin to confront the thingness of objects when they stop working for us: when the drill breaks, when the car stalls, when the window gets filthy, when their flow within the circuits of production and distribution, consumption and exhibition, has been arrested, however momentarily.”

I’d like to take the thing from the place it has ‘lived,’(destroy), braid the narratives/myth (build), then put it back in the contemporary ‘sister’ of it’s home (destroy). You might notice that this is both the same framework and function of Andrew W.K.’s Cartoon Network Show called, Destroy-Build-Destory. The parallel is not an accident. This process of working is not only altruistic, but intentionally blurring the lines of ‘origin’ and real alteration. For example, if I cut down a tree to make paper to make a book to give a gift to you. You keep the book for awhile, then place it back in the world either because you cease to possess it or it finds its way out of your possession and back to the forest where it decays. What is harmed and helped in this process? Is there a source?

“The Architecture and Myth” series, where I am starting with a specific oral and/or written tale, immersing it into contemporary settings/characters/plot , intermingling personal myths and finally documenting the results of this braiding. I’ve decided to start with formulaic experiments in this series to aid in the prevention of tangents. The formula will consist of starting with two or three very specific points of original interest in the folk tale (i.e. the candy structure of the witch’s house in Hansel and Gretel, and the romanticism of “the journey” or wanderers) and braiding these ideas together with going on a derive of their historical and documented facts, expressions in lore, and findings in contemporary myth. In my second series, “Everything is a Character, Every Character has a Cape”, I will use the small experiments and execute them in both infinitely larger and infinitely smaller. My first attempts in this project were at a scale that mirrors the human form but placed on what are categorized as “inanimate” forms. At this point, I am ready to make tiny capes for fleas and, in theory, a cape for this solar system. Lastly, in the “Reparlay” series, where I revisit my 28 residences, I will continue to document the remainder of varied the homes and neighborhoods. I’ve started the documentation in digital photographs and for the sake of continuity in the beginning stage, I will continue to use digital photography. Again, these three projects have an end plan of braiding the original impetus for each. I have entertained the plan that the final medium will be a souvenir book that takes all of the indexes, processes, plans, origins of lore, tangents, coherent immersion with personal lore and myth, and varied artistic expressions of my externalized response to the internal workings of reactions to all of the above mentioned.

I am leaning towards a professionally bound book in contrast to an artist book, one that could be shelved in a consumer market. I’ve always had a respect for the book. It’s form/ shell has barely wavered and even internal expressions have maintained fair. The book-form has given me a reasonable pocket worth of escape.

With all of this being said, if I were to wantonly place my current artistic endeavors in a movement or theme, I would name it “Furnishing the Braided Frame.” (with frame being the skeleton of my definition of a thing that has history (i.e. a structure or a body) and frame as temporal measurement).

I can only postulate what mediums, methods, or choice of venue will be chosen. I have been vigorous on developing my language of making and extending things so that when it becomes appropriate to develop and show I will have a vocabulary to choose from. Lately, however, I have seen that using my inks and brushes on all scales has proven to be a form of planning; a shifting blueprint. Then, I will develop the idea sculpturally and document it.

There is much to share.  It will all be posted in due time.  Bits and pieces here and there.  I feel so full ( of goodness, not shit) and there is this pressure that may leak, and hopefully not burst/explode.  Crossing fingers while I sleep.

I still miss you, terrible.  I’m off.

I don’t use this very often, so when I do please take heed.

In a nutshell, my Uncle Jeff is sick.  He has cancer.  If that isn’t enough, my Aunt Suzi has lost her job during the last couple weeks of his chemotherapy.  It’s overwhelming.  I cannot express how much they as individuals and as a couple have shaped the compassionate and tethered person that I am today.  They deserve an extension of kindness, in response to the many extensions they have given to the world.  Trust that much.  Below is information on how you can help, if you choose to do so.

Kaplan Kicks Cancer Benefit

September 14, 2009

To Whom It May Concern,

In late April 2009 Jeff Kaplan, a lifelong Lake County resident and active community member, was diagnosed with cancer of the tongue. He has been undergoing aggressive treatment at the University of Chicago, which entails spending alternating weeks in the hospital. There, Jeff receives chemotherapy 24 hours a day in addition to daily radiation. Thankfully, Suzi, his wife of forty years, carried their health insurance from her job. A few weeks ago, the company where Suzi worked for the past seventeen years released her. Thus, Jeff and Suzi are now uninsured. Jeff requires this aggressive treatment to be able to continue his brave fight against cancer.

This is where we are asking for your help. A benefit is being held Saturday, October 24, 2009, at the Hammond Marina to assist Jeff and Suzi with their rising medical bills. While we know that the economy is struggling, we are hoping that you are able to contribute to this event. If you are able to donate, monetarily or in the form of a prize to be raffled during the event, it would be greatly appreciated.

With the support of his wife, four children, family and friends, Jeff’s positive spirit during this battle has not wavered. Please join us in helping, “Kaplan Kicks Cancer.” Please contact Debbie at (219)384-3373 to help make this benefit a success.

Warmly,

Friends and Family of Jeff Kaplan

For more information please call the number :  (219)384-3373 or email:  annaraelandsman@mac.com

much love.