friends make barriers. i get limits and fences. i apparently am not worth much risk in the exchange.

hey, ms. sarah,

here are the links

for my video CLICK

and for the rene blog CLICK HERE

kthnx

plz to give me a camera so that i can do more versions of this

we rented a nikon d40 apparently so that i could drool and wish my stupid little portfolio would look like this forever. man i wish i could fucking afford nice cameras.

there were tiny graves for bundles of skeleton keys. i dug up three bundles and i have a key for you.

monk is licking my vanilla soy milk. he is more like a puppy than a cat. last night we watched ‘u.s. versus john lennon’. it confirmed my adoration and questioned my mark-making skills. during their interviews, which is how we really get to “know” them, ono is overshadowed with his voice projection alone. it made me wonder how their home conversations were. i imagined that, with her experience, she lent her conceptual performance mindset more often than in the public. lennon, he wanted a larger audience than her art scene. he wanted to move and shake as many people as he could… quite possibly those that would be unshaken previously. it was an effective team effort, i’ll say. when i think of it in those terms, though, it makes me quite sad for the effort.

reason no.1 we have become a comfortable audience. no one wants to fight or criticize, and if they do it is the young lion children who would use that energy irregardless of the movement.

reason no.2 best way to mark is to try to persuade. this alone is sad. why do humans have this innate desire to follow lead or lead the followers? i am open. i can be swayed by the minute. people are writing new bibles, murder be the statement, (!) programming be the statement (let us sit down for the revolution of ruby on rails).

i don’t want to be sitting on a lennon sort of piano bench waiting for him to finish his song. i am already not that yoko kind of person. i am, however, not in the position to rally the troops. when all is said and done, sure he affected people, even people outside of the jurisdiction of popular culture and intellectual art, however he was just a player. if i was a follower and i was a lion that roared a ’sacred no’ i would believe it when he says, “if you give them a violent reaction then the government would know how to handle it”. this statement induces such a reaction with me. i initially agree. peaceful groups have an actual potential of getting some message across in comparison to an angry mob. what i have observed, however, is that persuasion is highly unlikely. most people don’t like to be told what to do, they like to figure the answer out themselves, so why would a political standpoint be any different?

bottom line: i reacted to his expression. this is an effective piece on that account, the embodiment of his works.

i am trying to spend 30 days refraining from talking negatively about anyone. to change your 28 year developed idiosyncrasies is clearly a difficult task. i have stopped and thought, though, before saying things and that is the point. i have noticed so many times where i could have held back and the moment would have passed with much more ease and until i figure out how to say things right i will stop and stop first.

my body needs to stretch.

* edit * july 30th-what is sad is that your ego thought this was about you.  it is not.  the people referenced are now displayed.
well, my vouyerism has affected (not flattered) another. i don’t understand why people get irritated when they post on public forums, such as wordpress, and are like, ‘oh em eff gee’ you FOLLOWED ME?! double ew tee eff?! keep your conversations inward, then… or disable your comments…. heee hee. i think this is all really stemming from the fact that we are raised to avoid intimacy with most people. i don’t have the capability of building that barrier at this moment, and to be honest i hope that it never dulls. i like being moved by strangers. i like hearing about both boring and heightened states of emotion. i like reading confessions. but, the bottom line is that i am a creep. i mean, really. i leave notes under people’s artifacts(this i did to mike.), i read his journal and it displayed some secrets (this i did to j.r.m.), i figured out your password (again j.r.m.)(oh ergo sum), i found you on ancestry.com  (dad)and called you out on your absence, i called you and hung up repeatedly, i watched you makeout with your girlfriend in the garage, i listened to you fuck your boss (mom), i listened to you fuck my father (evol stepmother), i heard you whisper you wanted me to leave  (again evol stepmother)(frequently), i watched you undress (neighbor on augusta/chicago), i sat at the table in the apartment and i watched your whole family eat dinner (neighbors in rogers park).

and i liked it. i liked thinking that you felt me watching and that made all of your animations much more important. each step had an audience.

i really need to start writing again. i have all these stories bottled up and i am afraid that i will either forget them or that the questionable filing cabinet in my head will overflow again and i will have to purge. the cabinet is black metal by the way.

i would like to build a sculpture of a plane. i have this idea.
i would like to build a sculpture of me in child’s pose, weeping. i have this idea.

ooooh, anna got a new bike. well, it is *ours, but it is the best bike i have ever had a partial ownership of. here it is (minus the touring gear)

i can ride up state street/ferry hill without whining or stopping or even getting out of breath!

carnivals are not cheap

ombra-shadow

i am bold in this endeavor. i want to publish a collection of work in a professional bound unique book.

magazine needs: umber press is a quarterly magazine that is handbound with artistic uniqueness. we welcome submissions that express anything raw. we look for complex and clever, emotional and narrative, conceptual and thin, humorous and dark. we welcome strong work.

how to submit: submit 3-6 poems. submissions accepted from july through september. no previously published poems. simultaneous submissions okay (with notice). cover letter required. email submissions okay. seldom comments on rejections. pays one copy, additionaly copies for those that are published are discounted. time between acceptance and publication is two months. please email umberpress@gmail.com for questions.

plus

3.45 per gallon

based on this information i am spending about 160-200 dollars on gas.
i cannot wait until i move somewhere with public transportation again, or at least bike accessible. boo.

in other news (not as terrible, in fact, quite good stuff to follow)

i started an etsy store. if you haven’t heard of etsy, it is basically ebay for fine art and craft. everytime i go there i am humbled by the things people make with hands. here is a link to my store

last night we finished cleaning the house. red fairies ’round the owl on the porch.