i have always tried to be good. i remember being on 2634 augusta writing on blue tissue paper “you are so good”, sandwiching it between two cardboard frames, hanging it with wire in front of the windows and looking at it trying to believe it. everyone is suffering. sometimes people let their suffering be a barrier. i’ve definitely done it, but i’ve never given up.

within the lastest cycle i’ve built fences for protection. then i outlined them with needled holes to invoke risk. it broke and shook me, literally. the irony is what i was meditating on, the street sign, our future replacement window overwhelmed me. i was so focused on then or then. does that line make sense? then (past) or then (future). i have no use for then or then. it broke and shook me. it breaks and shakes me. i have let go of the crypticism, it was a defense. i have let go of the bitterness, it was a defense. i have let go of the cynicism (replaced with a fresh realism), it was a defense. after the releases of these particular things i have tried to seek and maintain balance in body, mind, and speech. if i only spoke through art, i would be nearly perfected. i feel i need to take some vows of silence, however that is nearly impossible considering that i have to serve coffee to jerks. get it… coffee jerk? hah. lame.

i am always working. i learning how to have attention. i am getting better at it. i am imperfect in body speech and mind and at the same time i know that am working towards the very possible perfections of those.

i don’t want to be a buddhist. i don’t trust doctrines, however taking things from here and there have given me the ability to not only interact with ease with every *thing in this entire organism of the universe but also it has created an ease from one moment passing to the next. i am actually not being reactive and letting moments pass with complete awareness.

in other news, i am doing some mail art. 20 lucky listed people will be the recipients of my art and hopefully will respond with vivid reactions.

everything is fine, mom. everything.

it’s been awhile. i am not going to flood the public with my busy-ness. everyone i talk to says this “i have been sooo busy…” the phrase has become meaningless on account of its overuse.

this is my newest woodcut:

been hiding in hoodies

i got my own studio, in the house even. it has a whole wall of shelves; floor to ceiling. it is very exciting…so overwhelming that it is nearly intimidating to work…or is it the weather…or is it my synapses…or is it lonely.. .

who knows. but i am getting used to it. any suggestions for graduate schools? any suggestions on how to drag a boy with?